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December 2011

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My mom

My mom's going on her final journey very soon and I'm preparing to carry out her final wishes.  For the last several years, she's suffered from dementia, brought on by a series of small strokes which robbed her of her memory, but not her spirit.  She's lived in a nursing home in my home town, the place where she lived her entire life, surrounded by the family and friends she loved.  Two of her nurses were my cousins and their daughters.  There has not been a day when an old friend or a family member has not stopped by to visit her.  She has been surrounded with love and those who care about her, and that has made it all far easier for me and John.  When it became clear she needed a facility where she could get medical care on a round-the-clock basis, we agonized about moving her to Columbus, which would have been easier for us.  But I knew she would never be happy unless she was "home" and that proved to be the best possible place for her - in her own little town with familiar faces lovingly taking care of her.  She's about a 2 1/2 hour drive away from us and we can't be with her every day, but that's a small price to pay in exchange for doing what's right for her.  She thrived there for several years and was loved by everyone for her constant cheer and for her inclination to "mother" other patients with worse disabilities than her own.

The last two years have been very difficult - watching her slide away, bit by bit, visit by visit, until she no longer knows us or herself any longer.  The woman who loved to dance and walked everywhere has been a prisoner of her bed for too long.   She sleeps most of the time now, resting up for the passing and for her new life in the next world.  We've know for weeks that the end was approaching, but it's always a shock, no matter how long the final journey is.

Her doctor called me this afternoon and told me she has now suffered a major stroke which means she can no longer take any nourishment or water by mouth and her body is shutting down.  He says she has one to three days left.  I prepared myself years ago for this time, but its always hard to let go, no matter how much I know that she wants to go.  Her faith in God and her church made her strong in her belief that this was not an end, but a new beginning.  She was right that God is merciful, because I see His mercy to those who loved her in letting her go peacefully on her terms.

Many years ago, when she was still able to understand what was happening ot her, she and I had a conversation about what she wanted and how I was to carry out her wishes to not be kept in this world through artifical means.
She wanted to be allowed to slip these surly bonds of earth and be reunited with my father and those that she had loved who left her behind.  Thank God she made it clear and easy for me to follow her wishes by making all that very clear and for removing the decision from me completely.  We put all this in writing - down to the smallest detail of her passing - and filed it away for this time, when we need the strength and guidance from her to do what she wanted.  What she wanted at the end was a peaceful dignified passing to the other side, with no pain, and to be remembered as she was in her prime, with joy and love. She's been a widow for more than 30 yrs now, and all she really wants is to be reunited with the great love of her life, my father, whom she missed desperately every day since then.

And so the waiting begins.  I take great comfort knowing that the decisions were not mine to make, but hers and God's alone, and that she had the courage and foresight to make this as easy for me as it is possible to be when a loved one leaves us behind.  And I take comfort in knowing that soon she will be free and with my father in her Heaven. If I live my life as well as she lived hers, that I will see them again, and she will thank me for letting her go as she wished.  And we will DANCE as God claps his hand in time to the music and smiles.

My friends, have this conversation with your loved ones and give them the same gift that my mother gave to me.  Give them a hug while you still can.  Then dance a little -  just for the pure joy of it.  My mom has requested no funeral service of any kind, but John and I will play her favorite music and dance in her honor, because I know she'll be hearing that music in Heaven and she and my father will be dancing along with us.

Much love to you all!


Oh, Judy, I am so sorry for you - although your Mom will be free and young and whole again, the pain for the ones she leaves behind is just starting.

I wish there were things that could be said that would ease what I know is coming, but there are none.

I know how glad I am that my Mom is free now, and how much I miss her still, even almost 2 years down the road.

My only advice is this - give her not only what she wanted, but make sure to give yourself what you need to get through this time.

You and John will be in my prayers, as always.


I'm keeping you and your loved ones in my thoughts.

May your mother's journey to the other side be filled with light and love.

Take care of yourself and much love back to you...
Oh Judy, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your mom will live on in your heart and memory. And in the memory of all of those who knew and loved her. My thoughts and prayers are with you, John, and your mom. Much love to you all. And may your mom pass through the veil peacefully when she goes. If you need me, I'm here. If you want to talk, cry, or reminisce... you know where to find me.

Love you lots!
Dearest Judy, I wish I had words to offer you at this time that would give you some small comfort. I wish I was there to give you a hug full of love and comfort. I wish I could make this time somehow easier for you. With all my heart I send all my love and care and support, and know that the One who made us all will carry it across the miles to you. You're not alone, dear Judy. I'm so glad too that you and your mum had the conversation you had to have no matter how difficult it would have been at the time. It must be a great comfort to her to know that you and John and her family are prepared to carry out her wishes as she prepares for the long journey home, which really isn't all that long.

I love you Judy and John, no matter how far apart we are, and you and your mum are in my prayers and love tonight and for as long as you need that hon.

Much love,
Vicki (and Pogo who would give you kisses if she understood)
Oh hon.....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

There are no words to make this easier for you. I am happy to know that at least you will be able to arrange things as she wished and that there will be no big stressful decision as to *what* to do since you both discussed it and prepared for it legally.

May I say that your words above about her journey from this life to the next were quite touching. Though I know that what you must be going through isn't easy.

All I can do is offer you my support, understanding and love and prayers during this time. Please - please - if you need *anything*, an ear.. whatever it may be... you know where I am.

Love to you and John!
We've only barely known each other in passing through the fandom, but my thoughts and good wishes are with you and your family now. I know this isn't easy, no matter how much you're prepared. I hope this comes out right: I wish your mother and easy, gentle passing and may she find all her loved ones waiting for her on the other side. Peace be with all of you.

I just wanted you to know...

...that ever since you posted this you and your mum have been in my thoughts and heart every single day and you haven't been forgotten. Much love and warm hugs to you dear Judy.